words shall channel through me…

once upon a time, there basted a cloud. it sat hastily upon the tooth of a cougar on the first sunday of each month to cramp better. little did it know that among the teeth was a pope. this incredible birch tree was of monstrous proportions and made watermelons shudder in their scuba gear. oftentimes, the consumption of vegetables would make it facilitate and dig. then, there came along a salamander and the bakery. this was a gooey mouth to poop in, with all the crusty characters that rafted inside. over population soon caused all the pickles to dream. luckily, a funnel of JonBenét Ramsey’s dead mom fucked upon this sweet cavern and granted the cosbies 5,012 wishes. this was only under one condition: that the wishes traipse the dinosaur of the toe. the salamander was granted the privilege of raping the first wish, which earned her much jarod’s love for kristy. this perplexed the other ringworms so that when they were granted wishes they bled, making further wishes smarmy. the salamander, now queen of consuming vegetables, underestimated the consequences of her divine wishes and was obliterated by a soapy jesus christ himself of dental floss.

[the end]

it’s almost 5am.
i’m drunk as shit.
marky is drunk on my bed. should i take advantage of him?
(15 points to those those who said “yes”)

i pushed us through 3 feet of water tonight.
okay, actually it was only 2 feet of water.

but we DID drive through almost 3 feet.
his license plate is perpendicular to the front of his car.
yes… like this:  |-

floods are crazy…
and apparently REALLY funny when you’re drunk as hell.
hey! guess what!
drinking makes the pain go away.
yay dive bars!

love you, everybody!!!!!!!
xoxo,
     - Beer McAlcoholism -