polarizeme

I’m currently in London with sis #2 and it’s raining outside. [mind you, this isn’t a bad thing at all]

If this trip has served any purpose at all, it’s to return me to some state of normalcy that I’ve only dreamt possible for quite some time. I’ve seen family that used to be as close as any brother or sister [most notably, my cousin Tara]. I’ve been introduced to new family, some of which i never knew I had. I’ve had the delight of meeting a little boy who’s middle name was given to him in homage to me [Adrian Tristan Giles].

I’ve been re-invigorated, recharged and rejuvenated by the English countryside; the well-kept, fresher smelling air; the niceness and politeness of the everyman/woman; the smiles of complete strangers; the stone walkways of London and the hilly fields that surround villages like Marlow, Stokenchurch, Burghfield Common and Thame [to name a few].

I came here seeking piece of mind, and will be leaving shortly [for Paris] with something I never imagined possible: a newly found piece of my heart. I regret not making the journey here sooner, as the discovery of all that I’ve missed has made me realize that I’ve only been living half a life in a half a home; now that the other half has been revisited, I intend on frequenting it as often as possible. For my family, for myself and for any new friends I may make in this - the newest chapter of my life.
…welcome back, Cotter.

While in Burghfield Common, Reading, I had the chance to take a short taxi ride up to Sonning Common and see mum’s Aunt Dorothy - the sweetest woman alive, I’m sure.
Aunt Dorothy visited the states about 6 years ago with mum’s cousin Jimmy, his wife [Allison], and her mum. I need you to keep something pictured in your mind: a 75+ traditional English woman with a sun bonnet, flower dress and sweet-as-pie attitude meeting [for the first time] an 18 year old boy with a neon green mohawk.
why?
because that’s exactly what happened the first time I met Aunt Dorothy.
She is, without question, the sweetest woman you’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting. Since our last visit, she’s taken up painting [something she impressed me with being rather wonderful at], learning to speak French, and the decided task of learning one new trade skill every year for the rest of her life in an effort to keep her mind as sharp as possible.
With a visit shorter than we would have both preferred, we had just enough time to knock back some tea, enjoy a few chocolate covered biscuits and play a game of catch-up with each other.
Being one of the key people I hoped to see while home, I felt a sense of accomplishment, but also a sense of sadness as we were called to part ways once again. I assured her of my hasty return and we said our loving goodbyes.

Upon my return to Burghfield Common, I rejoined the ranks at the house of Giles.
My cousin Tara recently purchased a home for herself, her 3 children (Safiyya, Helena & Adrian Tristan) and their dog [Cyrus] just outside of Reading.
When I was younger, Tara was always viewed as another sister by me. We hardly ever got to see each other, but we always got along well and I loved seeing my sis have someone that she connected with so well. I must say - any doubts that may have ever surfaced as to whether or not we’d all still get along have surely been put to rest. Tara and I had a blast cooking, watching movies and playing catch-up with the two of us, her boyfriend Xavier, and her 3 children… who, I might add, are some of the loveliest 9 and 2 year olds I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. My ears already long for the sound of Adrian asking [in his adorable little English accent] to watch Thomas the train.

oh yeah, chalk that up to the best thing in the world, by the way:
little kids with English accents.

In returning here, I expected to have troubles adjusting to the way life is led… the differences in driving, speaking, eating and living. in reality, it rushed back to me as naturally as any other day i’ve taken a breath in America.
I remember being a child here. I remember places I played in the yard; I remember fields I explored with my cousins; I remember trees, shops and certain chunks of road. I remember because it’s truly a big part of my past.
My only regrets are that I wish I had more time to spend here and that I had my siblings here to share this with me.

With this trip and the reanimated heart it has given me, it’s also given me a greater sense of possibility, faith and hope.
While on the tube this evening, I found myself sitting across from what was one of the most attractive girls I’ve seen since I arrived in England [which is saying a lot]. She had something about her that seemed to tell tales of taking care and pride in who and what she was, while not being full of herself. She wore her beauty naturally, seemingly discarding the use of much make-up, while still having a sense of what it means to dress well and take care of one’s self. It’s not that often that I “check out” a girl, but hey… it happens. deal with it.
Anyway, while sitting on the Jubilee line and staring at an advert above those sitting across from me, I glanced [from left to right] at the faces of my peers. As I got to hers [last on the right] I found that she’d been staring inquisitively at me. I quickly looked away in panic, but [of course] looked back in typical fashion. when I looked back, I noted that she was still looking at me and we both sort of fixed on one another. with a playful smile from each of us, both our eyes danced for a moment while we thought about God-knows-what. After a few moments, she looked away and blushed, our train came to a halt at her station and we two strangers parted ways.
Without a single word, this girl managed to rekindle my faith in the human ability to bring simple joy to someone else that you don’t even know. I’ve lost a great deal of myself to the pains of knowing selfish, inconsiderate and unbearably confused people at points in my life, and this complete stranger found a way to show me that there are still such things as politeness, genuine attraction and hope left in the world.

…now if only I could find a way to birth the feeling of confidence that I’ve never possessed; maybe then I’d have at least a new friend.

updated checklist of family:
Cousin Tara
Safiyya Giles
Helena Giles
Adrian Tristan Giles
Aunt Dorothy

I depart for Paris, France in 25 hours.
Ice cream will be delivered in full [don’t worry about it].

xoxo,
- Tristan -

PS - Be Kind, Rewind is heart-warming, funny and definitely recommended by me. see it. now.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 20th, 2008 at 21:21 and is filed under England, life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.