0:3
It’s my last night in Stokenchurch for a while… and as I sit here, I really cannot help but be frightened by how close to losing my mind I’ve come in the last 24 hours.
To back track a little, a really good friend (and all around great guy), Ric Ruiz, has been battling his health pretty fiercely for the last few years. I found out in the early Monday hours that he had been admitted to the hospital, couldn’t speak, and most likely wouldn’t make it even a week or two. Knowing full well that my plane lands back in the US on Thursday, I had started to make plans to visit him in the hospital during his last days with us; plans that, quite quickly, were ripped from my very grip at 01:13 GMT. In an IM conversation with another close friend, I mentioned my plans to see Ric in the coming days - a statement that was quickly greeted with, “I’m so, so sorry. Ric passed away today.”
Thirty-five minutes went by. Thirty-five minutes that, even now, I don’t have a single memory of. I jolted back to awareness and realized that I hadn’t moved an inch, spoken a word, typed a letter or passed a single thought through my head in half an hour’s time; I was completely catatonic.
In all honesty, I think I just shut down. Four deaths in four and a half months; three of which were people I was close to and cared for a great deal. All of them being people that I was too late to say goodbye to. Even now, with 24 hours having passed to place in retrospect… I have no idea what to say about all of this. That being said, instead of trying to figure out my current psychological state, I will list off the first memories I have of this most recent trip home.
- I helped 3 strangers (two girls, one guy) carry their drunken, limp friend back to their flat in central London. his name is Pablo, I believe.
- I saw Duplicity. I enjoyed it a lot, but (even as involved as it was) something felt empty about it.
- I buried my loving, wonderful aunt Tracy; I also took part in re-writing and editing her eulogy.
- bought a remarkably comfy and remarkably well priced (£15) spring jacket, as I don’t have one
- met a guy who was 100% identical to my friend Aaron Trentadue. they looked so much alike that it was genuinely creepy. his name is Scott.
- realized, once more, that nothing is as beautiful as the view of a clear, starry sky from the English countryside.
- got to see my beautiful little cousins, Helena and Safiyyah.
- met some new family members from my grandfather’s side that I never knew existed.
- ate some of the most amazing Japanese and Indian food ever. EVER.
- went people watching like crazy.
- missed saying goodbye to Ric Ruiz before he passed away. I’m going to miss him and his dirty jokes so very much.
- stressed out daily about how much work @ Threadless I’ve missed.
- drank a fair amount of alcohol (mostly snake bites) the day of my aunt’s funeral; it was the first time I’ve been drunk since December.
- felt lazy not working out every day.
- found out that Sprint will be releasing their first GSM phone later this year and it’s the exact phone that I was looking to get upon it’s release. it will be nice to use my phone while visiting home from now on.
- realized that, for some reason, I seem to find attractive English women more appealing than attractive American women.
- had a long, half intoxicated conversation with an old man about Jeeves & Wooster. Also, he had many questions pertaining to whether or not America had such an over-abundance of CSI agents, since he sees so many shows about it.
- found out that England is apparently nuts for Dexter. good job, everyone. =]
- decided, once again, that not having a “best friend” is a really lonely and awkward thing when you have so much to share and need to pour yourself out to someone.
- spent days upon days getting angry/laughing hysterically with family and friends about how remarkably dysfunctional my family is.
- discovered the wonders of lychee sorbet.
- reminisced with my cousins James and Tara about our childhood times together.
- watched all three Bourne films on what was a very, very lazy day for us all.
- managed to stay healthy, regardless of the fact that mum and Tara were coughing up their insides.
- got to hear mum exclaim, “oh no! I sat on something hard!”
- wizards in London still try to fight trees.
that’s all for now.
xoxo,
- Tristan -