polarizeme

Hi!
I haven’t written anything in a while, so I figured I would take this time (while listening to the new As Tall As Lions EP) to recap my winter thus far.

 I’ve been writing a lot of stuff on guitar lately… which is weird, because I can’t play guitar to save my life. I started a side-project with a big ol’ group of musician friends called le Jardin Mécanique. I play guitar, bass and sing - as well as other random things I have no place attempting - while others sing and make use of a myriad of other instrumentation. Save for one song I wrote almost a year ago, I’ve been told that everything I’m writing sounds very dissonant and dark; hopefully something that translates well to the layers of vocals and other objects/instruments I/we plan on manipulating to make these songs as organic or digital as they want themselves to be.

How is everyone in the midwest enjoying our vast array of precipitation lately? Jesus… we’ve had everything from snow, to ice, to midgets on rockets trapped in rain drops falling out of the sky as of late - it’s crazy! I’ve had the great pleasure of seeing entire landscapes completely enveloped in ice - I’m talking a glaze or coat of it on every object within visual range. It’s been absolutely breath-taking to be able to witness this. I will admit, also, that seeing my car wearing a plate of armour was pretty humorous. Nabeel and I had the distinct delectation of getting to shatter it all, piece by piece; it was pretty damn fun. The best part? …breaking the “windows,” of course!

OH!

Where is my head?! Holy crap… the night that this all happened was pretty much the worst day ever. HAH! I’ll bet you wouldn’t have guessed it with all of the beauty and joy I was describing, eh?
(if you’d like any further insight into what the worst day in the world consists of, head here anytime after 12.14.07, because I won’t have posted anything relevant to this topic prior to that)
Anyway, Nabeel and I were grumpy, freezing, wet and in a hurry to get from Rockford to Beloit so that we may hang out with our good friends Lawrence and Lyndsy. As we made our way north on Forest Hills Rd, we saw what can only be described as “turquoise lightning.”
No. I’m not making this up.
I’ve had this confirmed by at least 5 other people that saw the same thing this evening.
“What the fuck is turquoise lighting,” you may be asking yourself.
I’ll tell you!

Turquoise lightning is what happens when there’s a quick flash of white light, a giant orange ball appears in the air (high up there. like… cloud height), hastily turns turquoise and lights up the entire sky along with it. re-read that a couple of times. why? BECAUSE IT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!

At first I thought it was my imagination, but upon turning in the direction of my passenger seat I noticed that Nabeel was wide-eyed with a distinctly confused look on his face. We both nodded in agreement [that we both saw it] and let out a homologous “what the fuck was that?!”

Also, it was at this point in time when we drove past a yeti who was walking on the side of the road in the horrible weather. When we rolled down the window to ask if he needed a ride to the nearby Wal-Mart, he turned to us and said, “hell no, man. Did you see that shit?! I’m going home to my wife and kids!” -*

So for the next 30-45 minutes we continued to see this turquoise lightning stuff (ie- sign of the apocalypse), each time freaking out in confusion/amazement/fear.

Once we arrived safely to our destination we were greeted with pizza, water, beer and hot cocoa - basically the equivalent of pure gold bullion.

Prior to and since that evening I’ve met some new people, been to a couple of new places, learned a little about myself, gotten my nose re-pierced and started thinking of what I want my next few tattoos to be.
Christmas is just around the corner… and seeing the prologue and trailer for The Dark Knight tomorrow evening with a group of my friends is the only thing I could have asked for.

Mission accomplished.

Please take care of yourselves and stay warm in this bitter, cold weather.
xoxo,
      - Tristan -

*-this portion of the above recap is a blatant lie. shame on you for even thinking it was remotely true. a yeti? come on.

There’s something that I think I should tell you all:
I’m not feeling very well. And I haven’t been for a while.
Something inside me has jumped the track.
I’m confused.
I’m not thinking right.
I’m not sleeping right.
And I— just don’t think I am complaining about this or asking for your help, because there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
It’s just happened and that’s all there is to it. But I don’t know what I’m going to say from one minute to the next.
I really don’t.
I don’t know what I’m going to say and I don’t know what I’m going to do.
Do you understand that? And I know this is coming at a bad time for everyone, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I’m tired and I’m- I don’t see things the way that I used to.
Everything.
Everything.
Everything. is fucking strange and it’s all completely out of control and I’m frightened.
And maybe if you all could give me some real help, you know?
That would be— and not your pity or generosity but some help;
take a look at me!

I know that I am ruining everything, but I can’t— if I don’t say this now, I may never say it.
Everything is going very fast.
It’s going very, very fast.
It’s completely out of control.
And if I don’t say it today, tomorrow may be too late.
I may be too crazy to even know how crazy I am.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know what to do.

Something has happened to me and I’m very lost.
And it doesn’t stop.
It’s not getting better.
I don’t get better.
I’m not getting better.
It’s just going on and it’s going on.
And there’s nothing that I can do about it.
It’s not stopping.
It’s not stopping.

              - Billy Crudup, Waking the Dead

[ this has, for quite some time, been my favourite “speech” in a movie. ever. because it always seems to hit home very strongly; it always seems to have a relevant place in my heart, in my thoughts and in my life. these words are always almost exactly my own when I’m in a situation that warrants the use of them.
my thanks goes out to Mr. B. Nanna for reminding me that it existed. because I’ve been trying to find it again for a long, long time. ]